The Other Mother

I am fortunate to live in an expanding tribe of fabulous women. For the longest time, I’ve looked around at my friends and thought how incredible it is that I know these people.
My friend Wendy is such a person.
We met in graduate school and through the magic of the internet, we still get to be a part of one another’s lives.
I got to read her first novel, Field Guide, in its earliest form and have since been thrilled to see it and her second novel Getting Out in print. It’s reassuring and exciting to me when good people write well and good writing becomes a book, when good books get published and sold and bought and read just like they’re supposed to.
Wendy is a good person, the sort of good person who puts you at ease while also inspiring you to hold yourself to a higher standard.
What I love about her work is that it is both lush and precise. Her details are sensual and perfect. I find myself stopping to savor her phrases and imagery, reading them over to myself.
Like all good fiction, Wendy’s stories present a true and familiar world in a way that is unique and thoughtful. From the first word, you know you are safe in your hands. You can sit back and enjoy the telling.
The Other Mother comes out in August, but I had an early copy, and I gobbled it up.
On the surface, The Other Mother is about the mommy-wars.
Even though I’m not a mother, I know about the wars. There are lots of battles, but the bloodiest one has to do with the big question - whether or not to go back to work after the baby is born.
Have you ever noticed how quickly people ask that question, and others, after a woman announces a pregnancy? Are you going back to work? Are you going to do natural childbirth? Are you going to breast feed? The same way complete strangers will reach out to pat a pregnant belly, many feel quite comfortable asking about the personal then quickly passing judgment on the answer.
We seem to feel a sense of entitlement when it comes to mothering. Perhaps it is because it is so essential, the act of raising children. Perhaps it is because as women we never quite feel that we’re measuring up to some standard that was written in our blood centuries ago, held in front of us by the media, perpetually out of grasp.
The Other Mother is told in alternating first-person narrative by two suburban mothers, one who works in the home as a SAHM (that’s stay at home mom for those of you like me you may not know. I kept seeing that on message boards wondering what in the world it was until finally a friend filled me in) and one who continues to work outside the home.
The story centers around that choice and the judgments the two women hold for one another and themselves as they struggle to come to terms with the decisions they’ve made.
But it’s also about something larger. There are no good guys and bad guys here. As I fell into this story, I identified with both of the women, feeling along with them their joys and resentments, fears and suspicions.
It’s a story about being a woman in an internal and external landscape that is constantly changing. It’s a story about relationship and history and love. And at its heart, mystery: the mysteries we all live with all the time, the questions we ask ourselves and the shifting answers.
The Other Mother reminded me that there’s a conversation taking place. Sometimes we speak the words to one another and sometimes we only whisper them in the most private rooms in our hearts, but we are all telling our stories, learning our truths, changing our minds and walking the paths of womanhood, sisterhood, wifehood, self.

Wendy also runs a very cool blog for Moms Who Want to Write. I’ve been meaning to tell all of the mothers and mothers-to-be in my life about it, so this is me telling you now. Go meet my friend Wendy! You’ll like hanging out at her house.

Comments

[Sam]

You are an angel for sharing this. Thank you! Just what I needed, right time, etc. I clicked right over and will explore more...but the book sounds GREAT!! And it's funny - I've heard ALL of those questions. You start to feel constantly assessed. I'm at the point of jumping off into the waters of motherhood, I'm in the wading pool...and I'm ready! Let's go, baby!

[alfredsmom]

I will buy that book! Sounds just like what I need right now. Sometimes the best choices in life arent always the obvious ones. Just because I am not a SAHM anymore doesnt mean Emma is being cared for any less. In fact, I think daycare is just what she needs at this age. See? Look at me always trying to justify things. That never ends.

Your backyard looks great. Any twinkle lights? I think they would look very festive for garden parties (which you MUST now throw).